The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize