ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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