If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
