they need to just BURY HIM!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
