i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
