Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
