My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
