I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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