it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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