I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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