I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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