i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
