oh god the rape fog is back!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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