In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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