Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
