Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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