I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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