the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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