dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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