Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
