Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
