absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
