Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize
