I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
