when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drake has all the answers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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