If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
