i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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