so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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