I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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