Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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