8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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