He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
