Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
