She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My liver just had a heart attack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
