Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
