No stitches, just platelets and will power
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
