You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize