No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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