ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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