my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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