You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
