I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
