just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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