plz talk dirty to me
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
