I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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