brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Randomize
