Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
