i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dignity is for republicans.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
