hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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