Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
