On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
