So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
