the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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