I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
