Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it's great music for shaving your balls
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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