You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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