question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm experimenting with sincerity
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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