Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
