Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
