Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
