Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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