I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
