You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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