im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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