I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
