After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
