I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
