She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
