Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
