This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
